Fourth and final night. Thank goodness.

Pete has been on a golf trip for the past four days and arrives home tomorrow. At 11:43 a.m. I was supposed to have used my alone time at night on the computer to write six blog posts and queue them up for the next six days.

But that did not quite happen.

I spent the time on the computer all right...but not quite productively. So much for Lenten resolutions.

Fact is, I spent a lot of time wishing he were here with me. I was so distracted with thoughts of him I couldn't concentrate on anything productive but for the minimum laundry and meal preparation duties. And fingerpainting...letting the boys fingerpaint. That was a feat in itself.

When he's away, which is rarely four nights in a row, sure I wish I had a hand with the boys. Bedtime, bathtime, mealtime...they're all on me all the time. There's no one else here to help me answer them, pour more milk, clean up after them, etc.

And there's no one here to share in their cute sayings and sweet gestures, which do happen from time to time.

Thing is, when he's gone I always think: why would any woman CHOOSE to be a single mother. I don't know anyone personally who's done this, but plenty of Hollywood-ers have taken the plunge into parenthood sans partner (let alone husband). They get as much positive press as traditional Hollywood births, maybe even more. As if to say, "who needs a man..."

Well I'll tell you who: I do. I need someone to share in the workload. The decision-making about what's best for our kids. The physical demands of parenting. The joy. And the frustrations. The emotional load I could never bear by myself. And I'm not ashamed to admit it.

(I understand there's divorce. That's different. That's not CHOOSING single motherhood.)

I guess absence makes every heart grow fonder. That, and more grateful...grateful Pete's on this parenting road with me, sharing all the bumps and detours, and whhhheeees as we coast. Whenever that is...